What I didn't anticipate was that Paul and Oscar would go on to have their own relationship-both sexual and emotional.Īfter Oscar and I had sex on our own for the first time, it was actually my idea for him to go on a "date" with Paul and me. I told Paul about Oscar and he said that if I wanted to go for it, he would be okay with it. We almost crossed the line and kissed one night while out for drinks after the show.
Oscar and I were doing an off-off-Broadway show together in the Village. The first two years of our marriage were pretty uneventful: We worked, traveled together, and continued to have great sex-only with each other. I knew it might be hard going from so much openness to a "regular" relationship, but we were moving to a new city (New York) and decided it was time to settle down. We decided we were done being with other people and wanted to give a traditional monogamous relationship a go. But ultimately, I found it really sexy that he was so confident and open about what he liked.Īfter three years of fun and exploration, Paul surprised me with a ring. I did have a few experiences with women, and although it was fun, the encounters made me realize I mainly want to be with men-sometimes more than one at a time! The first time Paul and I had sex together with another guy, it was strange to see him going down on a man. With that kind of trust and transparency to ground our relationship, we both had a lot of adventures-together and with other people. There was a lot of freedom but no secrets-and our devotion was to each other first and foremost. Primarily, we had to always tell the other person where we were going and who we would be with. We were dating for just three months when we moved in together, and after six months, we agreed to an open relationship with certain rules. In fact, having these open discussions about sex led me to admit out loud for the first time that I was curious about what it would be like to be with a woman. He was upfront about the fact that being with men was something he didn't want to give up, though, and I was okay with it. My friends told me I was crazy to think otherwise, but the way Paul kissed me and handled my body that night in my apartment, I knew for sure that even if he liked guys, he was very much into women too-and really into me.Īs things heated up between us, Paul broke up with his then-boyfriend, and we started dating exclusively. I figured that if a guy was with another guy, that meant he was gay.
I knew from the start that he identified as bisexual-in fact, the first night we hooked up he was in a relationship with a man. I was 23 and he was 28, and we were both trying to get our acting careers off the ground. When I met my husband, Paul*, we were both waiting tables in LA.